Many people don’t think having a good conversational skill is very important. We send direct message by the way we communicate and allow the receiver to interpret it. The response we will receive is determined by the way this message is been conceived.
For example, in securing a business contact, how well you are able to lay your needs on the table is very important. It determines your confidence, which interpret to how well you know your business.
How about in the dating game? As a guy, your chance of winning her heart depends on your conversational skills. Good looking compliments your personality but good conversation paves a channel to the heart of your listener.
1. Poor conveyance
In every communication, it is not how important what you are saying but how well you deliver it. Your body language, voice tempo and volume create a meaning to your words.
Don’t be afraid to be wrong. Talk as loud as you want. Not shouting on people, make sure you are being heard and clearly.
Apply emotions according to the moment. Do not speak like you are reciting a poem; rather speak from your heart.
Make sure that everything you say is clear and to the point. Better to stay quiet than to mumble.
Go slow with conversation. Keep calm and allow your listeners to pay attention. People tend to understand a slow conversation, with every point placed after the other. Do not confuse your listeners with fast talk.
Your body language is very important. Do not fold your arms while conversing. Instead use your hands to demonstrate. The act of demonstration improves communication influence and provides more understanding.
Pause in-between lines. Allow your listeners to anticipate. Make them crave for more. Let your audience feel like you are doing them a favour by actually talking, even though you need them to listen.
2. Excessive questions
Asking questions is among the easiest triggers to achieve a rapport but what if the conversation becomes an interrogation?
State an opinion or talk about a similar experience supporting the point the other person is making. Ask questions only when it’s normal, not when the conversation is dying. Talk about your favourite moments, merits and demerits of a particular brand of drink or clothing line. Make jokes and let nature take control.
3. Lack of input
Every person wants to make a good impression by contributing to make a great conversation. Listening is one of the essential skills but how about contribution? Answering YES or NO isn’t contribution. When you listen very well to what others are saying, it is easy to make a great input.
Read books and newspapers; watch movies and go to places; to increase your knowledge at your own convenient. You become attractive when you know things and also people develop interest toward you easily.
Have a field you know a lot about, talk about the amazing part. Do not work too hard or be self-conscious about your lack of skills. Just work on developing a particular interest on cool stuff.
4. You are boring
Do not talk about things that your listener knows nothing about for more than 5 minutes. For example, talking about how cool your new motorcycle is and going at it for 10 minutes can bore anyone.
Change subjects that link to each other. When the other person drifted to a new topic, do not try to pick up the dead one just because you enjoy it.
Develop an interest toward what others are sharing. More people want to be heard every day. Just sit and listen. You will make more friends by just listening than talking.
5. You are not listening
Information is important when applied practically. People tend to talk about their ideas and experiences rather than putting it into work. So they don’t listen. They just talk and talk, and eager to get a turn to talk again.
Be attentive. Listen and pick all the information you want. Do not be eager to speak. Even when they stop talking, just sit and be watching them.
Ask the ‘where’, ‘when’ and ‘how’ questions to push the conversation toward your desired direction. Make sure you are getting exactly what you want. If they want to talk, give them more reason to talk.
6. Do you have to be right?
Do not argue. Relax and have a decent conversation. You don’t have to win or be right about your opinion or given information, no matter how sure you are. People are entitled to their own opinions and beliefs, make the conversation easy by not challenging what they trust and believe.
Talk less about morals and religion. Have a surface talk about politics but direct most of the conversation towards work, entertainment and family. This will consequently reduce the possibility of creating tension.
7. Not opening up
Not all you say have to be technical. Open up about your personal experience as the other person does. Make an input, the same amount as the other person.
The personal story you share makes the other person more comfortable and be willing to share something personal. Trust is built easily when both parties show how they feel.
You don’t need to wait for the other person to start, make the move. Encourage them by making less passive statements. Use emotional triggers as well in order to get their attention. You can also admit on how you feel about their abilities—how you admire them.
8. Allowing silence to ruin everything
There is always a moment of silence for every conversation. Avoid saying something stupid just to fill the air. Do not think about your inability to continue the conversation, allow the other party to do that thinking.
In that momentary silence, look around you and make a comment about something or someone. Don’t check your phone. Breathe slowly and don’t get nervous or too self-conscious.
9. Who has the lime-light?
You are already a better person as you so think in your heart. Do not condemn their little experience by hijacking the conversation with story of your bigger experiences. People talk about things because they think it is amazing. Feel amazed, even if you have to fake it.
Do not fight for attention, give the attention. This kind of generosity makes you more attractive.
10. Negative subjects
There is always a positive way to convey any subject. Don’t be sour by talking negatively about the effort that people make to create things.
Don’t be at a party and be talking about serial killers or terrorism, especially when you are meeting someone for the first time.
Confidence is the vital requirement for a good conversation. When you meet someone for the first time, just assume it’s one of your best friends. When you meet someone at a party, don’t begin by “hi my name is” instead go with “let’s dance”. If you are still afraid you won’t have much to talk about, listen to news before you step out.